Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
