I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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