my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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