I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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