He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
