I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
