lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
this is an emotional support booty call
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
