Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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