I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
