I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
