So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
