I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
