u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
