Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
