You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
