he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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