Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
