new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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