I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
