The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
