Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
