Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize