oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
