i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
