Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
