Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
