Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
