One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
