I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i drank out of a bidet.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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