first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize