i was born a porn star she said
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
