No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
