Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Mom said you looked used
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
