I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
