I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
