Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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