i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
