Nicole vs. Life
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
