just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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