it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
