It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
