The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
