that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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