I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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