I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
