Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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