Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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