You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He shit in the fireplace
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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