He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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