Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
