He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
