There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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