If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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