I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
