Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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