I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
