She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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