I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
