I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Randomize
