did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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