she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
