you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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