this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
are you so shy because you have an std?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize