I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
