I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
