Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
