dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
