ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
