Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Let's get the cat blown out
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
