If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
