and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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